If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
