I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
