If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
