sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
