If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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