bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
