of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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