My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
