im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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