JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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