party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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