I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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