just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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