This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize