Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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