You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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