STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
