I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
