i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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