I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
