i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can Purell be used as lube?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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