they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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