dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
