Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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