He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
