what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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