I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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