Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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