Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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