Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
