you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
