She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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