Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I looked at my own cervix.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
