your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
