So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
