We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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