I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
someone owes me an orgasm
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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