She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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