I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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