You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize