So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
