why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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