oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
