So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
