im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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