I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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