i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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