Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
