you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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