i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
