my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
