This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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