I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
