You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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