OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my shit smells like andre
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
