HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
