Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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