oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I cut my penus on the lid.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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