Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize