At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
