Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
