We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
