but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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