I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
