I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
