Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nutella sex= disaster
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
